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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?